Confidence Seeds

When I was in college, I dated a girl.

And that’s the end of this blog. So go on. Get out of here. Goodnight, everybody.

Just kidding. When I was in college, I dated a girl who was kinda mean. This blog isn’t actually about her wicked ass though. See, she had a niece that was the same age as my nephew and we’d go on double dates. They were 5 at the time. Anyways, one day, I picked her and her niece up to take them to the movies. My hair was pulled back into a ponytail and I had this Superman fleece shirt on. I remember when I greeted them at the door, the niece looked at me with her mouth gaped open and said, “auntie, he looks like a cute boy hero.”

It was the dumbest shit I’d ever heard. I had a whole heap of fuzz on my chin. Wasn’t no cute boys at their door that day. I was an adorable man! But I digress. It was so damn cute and it blew my head up. The words of that kid bounced through my head for almost five years, three years longer than that relationship lasted. It gave me confidence beyond measure.

I was quite amazing back in the day. I was smart as a whip, cute as a button, easy like a Sunday morning, and whatever nonsensical metaphors one could apply. I truly loved me and being her “cute boy hero” made me love me even more.

I’ve gotten away from that over the years. That feeling is gone. Sometimes I feel that I’m so far from that guy, that I wouldn’t even have the stamina to trek back towards him. I’ve forgotten myself. And worse, I think I’ve been relying on others to cope with that. I’ve been living my life at the discretion of peers. I’ve been playing a part in a show that I’m not even interested in watching anymore. I think I need to change the channel.

I’ve been entertaining a lot of things that I know I don’t need in my life. They are great distractions. I’ve enjoy not thinking about reality for far too long. I need to get my confidence back. I need to get back to being amazing again. And most importantly…I need to fall back in love with myself. It’s time to make some more changes and adjustments.

5 comments

  1. But I understand that though everyone that cares for one may see and thing the world of you, the perception of the one is most important. Yes, falling in love with oneself is important and healthy to value yourself above others perception. Follow that need to love yourself.

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