Thought Log, Earth Date 2026.05.04, Age – Aquarian

I’ve come to another NEGATIVE realization about myself. Today I tried mushroom coffee for the first time. I know it’s said to clear up brain fog, among other things, but I doubt if it was supposed to work this fast. I have a nemesis—an arch rival, if you will. The worst part about it, we’ve never met.

At this junction in time, we definitely know of each other. They know my name. On my side, however, I know their name, face, occupation, hobbies, skills, likes, dislikes, and other relative attributes…oh yeah…and I am unequivocally jealous of them.

I haven’t felt jealousy for anyone in nearly 20 years. I was so removed for societal obligation, that honestly, nobody else really mattered to me. I was content with being the main character lining uninteresting chapters in a story that nobody would ever pick up and read. Any physical movement in my life was seen as an achievement over whatever I did before that and that was fine. But now, things are different, again.

I recently started a new renaissance for myself. I started getting in shape. I started getting back into my old hobbies. And the best part—I started LEARNING random bullshit again. I felt like ME 3.0. And now this.

Jealousy is something I never learned to navigate outside of the home. Being jealous of siblings meant nothing. One of us would always be smarter, or more handsome, or stronger, or faster, or better at video games, but growing up as 1/4 of a decently tight sibling faction, you learn to put those attributes together and bring about so powerful outcomes. Through the brotherhood, everything is possible. We will either find a way, or make a way.

But this nemesis of mine isn’t like my siblings. I fear they are a better version of myself. They are absolutely everything I felt I would become at the end of my evolution. We share likes and dislikes. We have similar interests and tastes. We have mirrored aspirations. And to top it all off, this incredible “MF,” is a published author.

It sickens me to my gotdamn stomach that I’m glazing so much. Let me reiterate, I haven’t found a reason to be jealous of someone in a very long time, so this sucks a tremendous amount of (insert whatever disgusting thing you can imagine that will help bring my point to a head).

And admittedly, I’m the villain in all of this. My nemesis isn’t using their powers for evil, that I know of. They are just existing, and here I am, “HATING,” forcing myself NOT TO PRAY for their failure in everything they touch. I’m the bad guy.

I HIGHKEY want to give up on “myself” and just create a whole new persona to live under…

And the coup de gras, this asshole has the unmitigated gall to be worried about me. Ain’t that a kick in the head?