So, I might’ve been doing life wrong. I’m a negative person. I don’t have high expectations of others. I’m not very happy with anything that I do. I think everything in the universe is somehow spreading “failure-adiation” into my life. I brood. I’m basically Batman, without the money, armor, toys, and stylish nemesis.

I’ve recently been watching a lot of people in my life find success and happiness in the things they do…and to be honest…I’m jealous as fuck! How do I reach this point? How do I manifest good things?

My best friend, Harmony, is a witch. Not the cacklin’ broom riding kind, although that would be sexy as hell, but the crystal collecting, plant growing, demon-avoiding kind. She’s quick to tell me that “will and intent” should be my primary focus, but it’s so damn hard, sometimes. How do I “will” happiness, when I’ve started to lose faith in its existence. I feel like happiness is some sort of cryptid, like a unicorn or a Sasquatch. But that might be the problem. Maybe I should start doing like Journey said, and “don’t stop believing.”

I think I’m going to give it the old “sociopathic” try. So for those that don’t watch Criminal Minds, sociopaths are taught to emulate emotions of others, in hopes that they’ll eventually showcase them naturally. I could apply that same concept to my situation. I could fake it, til I make it.

If I simply try to appear happy and complete, I could possible blossom in that direction. No matter what bricks fall from the sky on top of my head, I’ll spin it to a positive. The brick may hit my head, but at least it wasn’t a cinderblock. My tv might go out, but at least I still have my eyesight. My noodles may be too hot and burn my tongue, but at least I wasn’t eating a fork full of parasitic worms that devoured my nervous system from the inside out. Everything can be spun positively.

I’ll also try to manifest positive patterns. I’ll make up my bed every morning…maybe. I’ll expect greater things of myself…probably. I’ll tell myself that my writing is good and that all four of you actually look forward to reading it, although only one of you makes it a point to comment. (But shit, it could be zero comments, so this is already working.)

I really don’t know what to expect from this new lifestyle I’ll be adopting. I’m hoping that it actually benefits me. Scratch that, I expect it to benefit me. I have intent behind these thoughts, so they will manifest…goodly!

I’ll update you guys in about a week to tell you how the new and improved positive Jae is fairing.

(Document was not edited before posting so eat my ass if there are typos that bother you.)