A San Diego Thank You (A Short Erotic Comedy)

I clocked out and rushed over to my friends house. It was poker night, and it was her turn to host everyone. I messed around and pregamed with a bowl of chili cheese nachos and Columbian iced coffee. My stomach was churning.

I beat on her door, obnoxiously, until she answered. “Hi, Ja—”

I pushed her in the face to clear my path. I rushed to her spare bathroom, a room far away from all the others, and got down to business. The steam-powered train of tummy sausage rushed through my back tunnel in celebration of digestion as if it was attempting to set a world record. I could feel the splash of toilet water jump up from the bowl onto my back—refreshing.

After five minutes, my friend began knocking on the door. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, no need to talk to me right now.”

The door knob began to jiggle. She was trying to come in. I quickly gave the toilet a courtesy flush, hoping to cut down the smell, before the door sprung open. I reached for the bathroom spray, but I was halted by the feel of her lips, pressed against mine. My ass clenched. She sucked on my bottom lip and pulled away slowly, her beautiful brown eyes twinkled beneath the yellow bathroom light. She kissed me. She kissed me on the toilet—a “San Diego Thank You.”

My dick hardened against the cold porcelain. I needed her, now. I grabbed a wad of three ply tissue paper and dry-brushed the gut meal from my asshole. She smiled and started stroking my throbbing member. We were standing, face to face, staring into each other’s eyes while she stroked me generously—a Kentucky Welcome. Fuck poker, this was more important. I scooped her over my shoulder into a firemen’s carry and penguin walked her to the kitchen.

I grabbed a jar of peanut butter and began spreading it all over her inner thighs, prepping her for a “Missouri Hello.” Her pantry was missing jelly, so I abandoned my plans of giving her a “Massachusetts Parting” at the end. Her loss.I proceeded to eat her out. The thick crunchy peanut butter blended with her nectar to give my beard a thick brown coating. I must’ve looked like I had just given the most thorough “rusty trombone” anyone had ever received, but it was just peanut butter on my face, I swear.

I pulled her closer, swallowing bits of loose peanut that had adhered to her love button. She gripped my hair, forcing my nose and tongue deeper into her. Before I could fully enjoy my “Bedford Hills Breakfast,” she came all over my face. Yum.

She leaned back on the kitchen counter, breathing heavily in ecstasy. I licked her legume blended cum from my lips and mustache. She bit her lip, looking at me and my throbbing dick. “Go to the aquarium, now.”

“Oh, word?” My voice trembled at the implications of her order. “Are you sure?”

“Go. Now.”

I walked into the living room and put my arms in the water of the cold fish tank. I closed my eyes in anticipation. It was coming. I was about to receive a back alley tune up, with a Carolina dolphin show. My god! She knew me so well.

To Be Continued…probably.


  1. Hahaha! As much as I want to disagree with you, I’d fail because it does have a sacrificial ring it the name. And of course you made them up!!! The Creative Writer strikes again
    Never failing to disappoint! Sir!!!! Ya just plain dope
    Please give me the part 2 with all of the definitions to these created phrases


  2. Oh my! Such an interesting, creative and sort of scary twist on an erotic story. As always sir, your stories still pull you in and being a pleasurable read yet leaving us folks wanting, no, craving more and more of it all. I must say, my favorite parts would have to be the commands! Yessssss!!!! I myself prefer more of a dominant command but, here, after a proper serving your age friend. It was proper. Proper indeed….mmmmm mmmm mmmm
    Oh, and these phrases for pleasantries performed in not so pleasant settings is dope too. 2nd Favorites!!!


    • Hahahaha…a person that begs for commands is known as a Sacramento Lamb. I’ll make sure to use one of them if I ever decide to make a part 2. Thanks for following the blog though. I need more readers that engage with the content.


      • A Sacramento Lamb! Now this one sounds like it was just created! I like it I like it!!!! The Commending Force…”Sacramento Lamb”
        I am curious to know why you chose the city, Sacramento LOL…seems like a lovely place hahaha
        2. You are most welcome sir, I would imagine the comments should reflect a respond to what you have written, but for readers are grown. They can say what they want I guess !


      • Sacramento sounds like Sacrificial. The whole act of submission is sacrificial in nature. It goes perfectly with the “command” theme. Plus…it sounds like a real thing…lol. Truthfully…I created all of them crazy terms except the San Diego Thank You and Rusty Trombone…lol. It’s all just so damn funny to me.


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