Drowning on Purpose

I love my life in silence. I’m a quiet person. I think a lot and that requires an existence away from a lot of outside stimuli. Too many people make too much noise. My thoughts become their words. Whatever discoveries I may have been on track to make, become jumbled images of graffiti in my head. And it’s not the cool graffiti you see on the sides of trains, it’s bathroom stall graffiti—penis jokes and poetry.

However, sometimes I find myself seeking out the noise. Sometimes I require high decibels of distraction to force me out of dark times. I drown myself in noise to dull the effects of overthinking. The cadence of Jazmine Sullivan helps me forget. The tempo of GIVÉON erases the memory. The refrains of Semisonic induces the amnesia. It’s a problematic coping mechanism with a delectable time signature.

I’ve been having another “emo” week, as you may be able to tell, so I’ve been avoiding silence quite heavily. Blasting music to the point that it hurts and retail therapy have been a welcome bandaid to the slings and arrows I’ve been shooting at myself. Taking the long way home helps too. I’ve also taken this time to start cleaning up my habitat, the Jamale Pen. I’ve been living the creators life. I’m a “clutterbug.” Basically my room is covered in the wood chips and unfinished human meal pellets of stress and disorganization. I’m practically a hedgehog, right now, just not as adorable.

It hasn’t been all guns, though. There has been some roses. I’ve seen a butterfly a few times and I’ve had a decent share of hot wings. So that’s something. (Mmmmm…hot wings). I think I’m just missing something. I need an escape—and not just a mental one. I think me and my “writing,” may just need to hit the road, soon. Maybe I’ll run to the corner store for some milk and cigarettes…lol.

5 comments

  1. The fact your mechanism to silence or avoid the life you have with noise as a silent person is kind of ironic! But Indeed it does make some sense. Everyone had there way of escape and that sometimes very well may be something that is ordinarily a dislike or discomfort. How ironic that it soothes, distracts, erases or carries out what life is giving you, at the moment. I LOVE IT! And I say go, take that journey, hit the road. You and “writing”! But come back please, ppl will miss you.

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    • A road trip would be super nice right about now. I just need to consider where it is I want to go versus where it is that I should be.

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      • Well, I do hope you find where the drive will be soon! I’m sure your fans would love to read about your excursions!
        That’d be dope as hell to read!!!! I’m excited already.

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    • I honestly don’t like these posts that much. They come about when I’m sad or feeling overly emotional. lol hear don’t truly represent what TTR is all about. But I’m glad the post stirred something in you enough to comment. Thanks for the support. More posts incoming.

      Liked by 1 person

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