I hate the spring time. I don’t have allergies or anything. If I wanted to…I could do a line of thick yellow pollen off the hood of my car every morning before jerking off on my way to work, but that’s just dumb. When it comes to spring time, it’s the heat that I can’t stand—the heat and the bugs (garbage ass flies).

Most people find a sense of majesty and awe during this time of year. They love the flowers. They smile at the intricate designs in the wings of dragon flies. They enjoy the menstral scent of the blooming dogwoods. I hate it all.

Give me some snow! I want a white spring. I want blizzards and snow men, and hot cups of cocoa. Give me a setting that mimics a snow globe. I want an igloo and snow-made ice cream. These are a few of my favorite things!

Despite all of this, I’m finding myself missing the butterflies—one in particular. I don’t know what it’s called, but it’s pretty and purple…and that’s all that matters. Instead, I’m stuck with just a garbage-ass season and humidity that’s making my braids frizz even worse than normal. Woe is me.

Enjoy your day.