People often say that Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “do one thing, everyday, that scares you.” But fuck her. She’s a zombie and that quote didn’t come from her dried l, “person-jerky” ass. She said some shit about gaining confidence through experience—some regular bullshit. So don’t listen to her. Instead let’s listen to Mary Schmich, the person who most likely actually wrote the quote.

The world is full of spiders. And most of us are a bunch of butterflies flapping about recklessly, looking for some sweet flower stamen to lick on. We tend to fly with our heads on a swivel, being sure not to run into that filthy spider web. But all the ducking and dodging could be having an adverse effect. It could be keeping us from living to our greatest potential! What if we said fuck that nectar…and went straight for the water in the clouds—pure untouched ambrosia that has aged like fine wine on the sweet cinnamon forehead of God! We’ve been missing out.

It’s time to stop being overly cautious. It’s time to take risk! Stop proofreading that book after each sentence…and just finish it, Jamale! Stop going home and going straight to sleep, bitch (also Jamale). And mostly, stop being unhappy and start saying “No,” to people, asshole (same person). It’s time to make some changes!

Start looking at every action you take as a spell being cast against the dark lord. He’s powerful, so is your everyday action, really enough? Maybe not, right? Put intent behind your steps. Place meaning in your every word. Put magic in between your ass cheeks and squeeze out a gotdamn diamond. I believe in you, Jamale!