Dear Enemies,

Today, you won. Today I was a casualty of war and I’m a bit disheveled by it. Today, I lost.

I’ve always been very, very good at hiding my nefarious deeds. I’m a story teller. I pride myself in making people believe exactly what I want them to believe. It’s one of the reasons I make such an amazing secret agent.

But today, I was caught off guard. I was undercover in territory I hadn’t seen in over a decade. More importantly, I was somewhere that hadn’t been seen in in over a decade. My guard was down. My defenses were lowered. My identity was safe as hell. Well, I thought I was.

I walked confidently out of the retail outlet. The thick ass receipt showcasing the sheer amount of bread I had just dropped was well-brandished in my right hand. I was the man…and everyone in a fifteen foot radius was well aware of that absolute fact.

My misplaced confidence fell a mere three steps from the store entrance. An enemy of mine was standing at my 9 o’clock. That’s left for those of you who don’t understand secret agent jargon. Before I had a chance to draw my weapon, she let off two shots into my direction. One disarmed me, the other stunned me. I was caught.

She stared at my weakness as I crumbled before her. There was nothing I could’ve done. She had exposed the pawn in me that hid behind the facade of a king. All I could say was “oh shit,” before I fell to the ground, bleeding out.

She and her daughter walked off, leaving me behind in a puddle of my own blood and shame. Luckily I wasn’t alone and my partner helped me up and tended to my wounds.

Things could’ve gone a lot worse, but I guess the public setting saved me. I’m certain the residual effects of the bullets will be felt on Tuesday…lol. Until then…I’ll continue to live like I’m dying.

“What! Who are you?” — Echigoya (Tenchu)


  1. Your enemies caught you in an “off moment”, whereas you were probably in an area where you hadn’t thought of nemeses rolling up on you. That happens mostly when you least expect it. Next time you will carry protection on you at all times. Enemies don’t have vacation time, they can pop up anywhere, especially when you let your guard down! Or it could have just been fate. Meh. lol

    Thanks for this theatrical short piece, I love your adventures as a secret agent!


    • Due to the nature of my job, I had to redact a large portion of the events that occurred in this dramatic retelling. Between you and I, there was a lot more explosions and at least 3 knives thrown when everything went down. My enemies never sleep. Therefore, I must never sleep. When you don’t sleep, you don’t dream. When you don’t dream, everything is real. You can’t have surreal with the root word “real.” Surrealist art is my favorite. Salvador Dali is my favorite surrealist art. Everything can be boiled down to Salvador Dali. Consider your life completely figured out. You’re welcome.

      Liked by 1 person

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