A Letter To My Stalker

I See You

First allow me to apologize for the brief absence we took from The Thought Renaissance. Look, I live in the south east and we apparently have a hurricane every two weeks. The last one got pretty bad. I didn’t make it. But now that it’s over we can get back to doing what you guys have come to love and enjoy from us.

So I’ve apparently gained a follower of the real life me. They know where I’m from. They know where I work. They even know what I had for lunch today…seeing as how they sat in the passenger side of the car parked a few spaces away from me between 12:22pm and 1pm today.

They’ve done a bit of homework on what makes me tick. But some things just can’t be learned from social media.

So as I often do here, I’m going to subvert expectations. Here’s 5 things about Jae, that you won’t find in your research.

Jae Absolutely Loves Dill Pickles

I will seriously kill an entire 100oz jar of these bad boys by myself. Whole pickles, spears, chips…it doesn’t matter…I will absolutely smash a full jar without help.

Jae Has Quirky Eating Habits

This is actually something I wasn’t made aware of until later in life. Apparently everyone else on this planet likes to do things really fucking wrong. Peanut Butter is supposed to be spread with a spoon. Do not hand me a knife when sandwich time arrives.

I cut my pancakes in squares before applying syrup. I don’t even need to elaborate on that. If you’ve been doing it a different way, you can’t be my stalker anymore.

I will eat nearly anything with chopsticks. Admittedly this is kind of dumb. But I love it. So yeah.

I don’t like wet stuff on my plate with bread. If my bread is soggy, please dismiss me so I can put that food in the toilet along with all my confidence in you as a human being. Beans and biscuits don’t mix!

Jae Really Likes Cartoons

That still image is from one of the three funniest episodes of Looney Tunes starring Daffy Duck. I’m laughing my ass off just thinking about what happened after that moment in “The Henpecked Duck.”

Jae Really Enjoys Riddles

I am an absolute sucker for puzzles and riddles! Seriously, if you ever wanted to kidnap me…create an elaborate puzzle or riddle and it’ll be like kidnapping a baby with handles.

I don’t know what it is, but I really enjoy solving them. Sudoku, Paradoxes, Unanswerable Questions, I just have to solve them…or die trying.

The answer to the riddle in the image is 12 by the way.

Jae Created an Android App

So, I never published it to the AppStore, but it is a fully functional game. I basically wanted to learn how to code so over a period of 5 days I learned basic functions of the coding language C-Sharp to create this knock off, Flappy Bird game. I called it sketchy bird because it uses hand drawn sprites as the character.

The game was pretty repetitive so I planned to scrap it. However, I have this bomb ass nephew that wants to be an artists when he grows up and he really loves his uncle, so I took one of his characters he created and made him a playable character in the game for him. I also took an old comic character of my own and shoe-horned him in.

Needless to say, the game size was atrocious and the ads got a little aggressive, so the game only exists on the phone I carry with me and the laptop I originally created it on.

Well, now that you have these needless tidbits of information, you have officially leveled up to a level 2 stalker. Congrats!

Hocus Pocus, Flippity Flam, Arrazamataz, Alakazam! — Daffy Duck

One comment

  1. Hello Good Sir, thanks for the Update on the website. Wow, you have a stalker, crazy but good to know more about you than what’s posted on this website. Dill Pickles are Bomb.com…. You create app’s, can you create them for Apple devices?

    Anywho, Keep writing sir. It’s nice to see your point of view being expressed in a story, by way of updated news on your own personal website. That’s very creative and surprising for an African American man. Great to see that can happen from “US” (Wakanda forver LOL)

    Thanks again and hope to read more

    Like

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