I’ve been sitting in my car for three hours. It wouldn’t have been my first choice for how to spend a Tuesday morning, but there was a bomb threat called on the newspaper company I write for. The police rightfully won’t let anyone in, but they want to speak to everyone that’s been here since before the call came in. So we’ve all been asked to stay.

Who still calls in bomb threats, anyway? Print media is already dying fast, so delaying any stories from hitting the shelves is literally just withholding last weeks gossip from the seven readers that still support us. It’s a waste of energy for everyone involved.

I knew I should’ve just called out today. Hell, I should’ve just used the last of my paid time off to just spend the week in my living room. This job of mine ironically feels like the one thing in life that’s wasting my time. I’ve learned everything there is to learn about the industry. I’ve grown to like, then love, then hate all of my coworkers. And I’ve reached the level of hitting the snooze button several times before opting to just come to work with a dirty unshowered ass. I think I’ve finished this chapter of my life.

Honestly, this random act of phone tag terrorism should’ve been exciting for me because it changes the pace of my everyday. However, sitting in a parking space for three hours isn’t nearly as fun as everyone makes it seem. You’d expect to be playing games of hopscotch and having your hands covered in purple sidewalk chalk, but in reality, you’re stuck playing a game of scattergrams with the letters on the paper license plate of the Toyota 4Runner that’s parked in front of you. I can spell “now,” “own” and “won.” I think that means, I win.

Anyways, I’m gonna end this post here and go back to pinching my penis to prevent pissing on myself during the remainder of my wait. I really wish I would’ve just stayed home today, but Brandon the Bomb Caller isn’t something you can just plan for. He’s like accidentally poking yourself with a sewing needle. Yeah, he sucks, but you kinda just have to let that annoying prick take it’s course and just shake it off for the rest of the day. I’m so profound when I’m bored.