Happy [insert current time of day here] to you guys! As you may remember, this week marks the beginning of a more structured, properly scheduled, Renaissance. Today represents “Teach Em’ Tuesday’s,” so it’s time to attempt to teach you guys something.

Let’s start out with something a bit elementary this week. Did you know there is no word in the English language to describe the fourth level of a tiered system? You can have a primary, secondary, and tertiary level, but there isn’t a word for the next one in the sequence. You literally have an opportunity to create a word, here. If you can submit your idea for the word to the Merriam-Webster foundation, you might just become famous. Stephen Colbert created and got the word “truthiness” in there. Let’s see what you can do.

I think we’ll stay in my favorite subject for a bit and focus on the Language Arts. Many of you are reading this post without the help of a translator, but do you know what culture you have to thank for this? Long time reader, full time scholar, and part time bestie, Harmonymonty of the comment section, suggested that I teach you guys this little tidbit. The so-called “English Alphabet,” was actually created in ancient Egypt! Historians state the the letters and their phonetic names were used back as far as 1800 BC, centuries before English was even a thing. It was said that the 22 word hieroglyphic lexicon was proving too difficult for the many different cultures that had become part of the society, so the alphabet was created to help give phonetic aid to the people…cough cough…slaves. Harmonymonty, pat yourself on the back, then punch yourself in the face for suggesting a better teaching moment than the one I was going to settle on. The people will eventually want to know that a cockroach can hold its breath for over 30 minutes, while under water!

But before class is dismissed, I will give you one more awesome fun fact to run and tell your friends. If you’ve ever had hair on your head, you’ve probably noticed that somewhere near the back of your skull, the hair forms a circular pattern. This is known as a hair whorl in the cosmetology world and a trichoglyph in the “unnecessarily ‘pithy-verse.'” The most interesting part about this, is that there is no scientific explanation or reason for the swirl nor is there one for the direction it takes. Instead, a more spiritual culprit has been connected to this phenomenon. Some cultures believe that the direction of your swirl (whorl) is indicative of the direction chakra, chi, ki, or cosmic life energy flows through your body. Human hair is extremely sensitive to frequencies of both the electrical and sound varieties. The energy that flows through your body, could be responsible for your hair falling in the direction it does. If you have a natural “cowlick,” your chi is shit. Fix it.

Class Dismissed!

“Pencils down. Hands up. That’s the way we like to…” — Prof. Jae Davis