Dear Sir or Madame,

I went to work today. While I was there, I did some work type stuff. Time went by in recognizable intervals, and then I went home.

I guess that’s an oversimplification of things, but it’s accurate nonetheless. My story deals with government aid and supply. I’m the main character of the game. The map isn’t that large, but it’s peppered with characters for me to interact with. If I follow the main storyline, I’d just be moving supplies from designated areas and making sure it reaches the 520 destinations that populate every morning. It’s a simple game. The difficulty setting is set on low. And it’s got characters and side quests.

After pressing start I find my way through a poorly populated parking lot in the dim light of the morning. The first character I see is usually Tatianna the Talkative. She’s basically a healer. In the event I wasn’t able to resupply before the mission, she often has apples and water in her inventory. She doesn’t really offer quests, but her conversation tree is damn near infinite. After talking to her for a few minutes, it’s best to keep tapping “A” to bypass all the extra dialogue.

By the time I hit my first save spot, other characters start to populate. I use my quick speech option on the “good morning” setting so I don’t get wrapped up in anything time consuming. It definitely helps when dealing with characters like Latisha the Grammatically Incorrect, Harriet the Bitter Boned, and Greta the Old and Nosy. I don’t particularly like those characters so I often avoid them. Luckily none of them are required for me to complete the main story.

Agatha the Scornful usually pops in right before the rest of the characters. She often offers a quest called “Listen to Me Complain About Every Damn Thing.” It’s super easy to complete. She’s chock full of unskippable cutscenes though, but that’s the price you have to pay sometimes.

A good place to pick up side quests is from Roscoe the Cigarette. Well, it’s not actually a good place. It’s more of a place where you know you can find extra missions while talking to a raspy voiced, cut throat. He often adds extra tasks that either enhance or boost the difficulty of my main story mission. Achievement hunters might dig that sort of thing, but I try not to put too much effort into his quests, because they don’t offer tangible rewards. My reward is surviving that nicotine enhanced aura he always has equipped. It does damage over time. I wouldn’t mind a placard of notable recognition every once in a while. I’m starting to think the description for this whole thing was a lie.

The other characters like Sarafina the Sweet, Anila the Creative, Demi the Short Fingered, Aiden the Pink, and Dog Paw Sam aren’t worth mentioning at this time. Truthfully, every character is kind of forgettable in their own right. If it were possible, I’d switch to something a little more enjoyable, but it’s not. I don’t really have many options to play, so for now, I’m stuck loading the same save spot everyday.

Here’s hoping that I level up with this training expansion I signed up for, tomorrow. I’ll at least get plus eight experience with an increase to my wallet level. I might even get to fight a boss, again.

Disclaimer : This is a post about real events. However names are fake as hell. The description of all events and incidents are slightly altered by the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events should be considered purposeful and hilarious as fuck.