Dear Journal,

It was another wonderful day in the world of government employment. The birds were singing my favorite song, Silence, by No Birds. The sun was doing its signature move, standing there with its back turned, not heating shit. And my coworker, Agatha Clarisse Monroe was doing what she does best, be negative.

If Agatha was a side of a battery, she’d be the butt side. The side that doesn’t have the little metal nipple on it. As twitter would say it, she’s hashtag, unpositive. I don’t know if I’m doing that right. I’m not very good at the Twitter.

Agatha is probably the easiest of my coworkers to describe. She’s the perfect cross between a sexy librarian and a glass of unsweetened tea. She’s fun to look at, but you also find your self wanting to push her off the table, so the waiter knows they made a mistake when they brought her to you.

She can often be seen standing at her station, with her arms crossed, holding the facial expression of a fresh lemon. She has the aura of one of those men with a super thick mustache, but no beard. Her spirit animal probably has a high and tight haircut and a clean pair of blue aviators on and, often times, asks people if they know how fast they were going.

I had the pleasure of having lunch with Agatha and two other unidentified, mostly unimportant coworkers today. It was amazing. Agatha was able to eat without ever letting her look of scorn fade from her face. I don’t even think she chewed her food. I imagine she must have a black hole behind her jaw that simply teleports the food someplace else so she never has to taste it.

Anyways, now that I’m six lines into this, I realize that I never really had a story here. I guess I just wanted to talk about Agatha’s mean ass.

Well, goodnight everybody!

Disclaimer : This is a post about real events. However names are fake as hell. The description of all events and incidents are slightly altered by the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events should be considered purposeful and hilarious as fuck.