A good number of my blog posts center around my coworkers. I hadn’t done one like that in a while, because as it turns out, I hate my coworkers…a lot. Its like, every time I get the feeling to write about one of them, my mind warps the story into a horror where they either end up eaten by some mythical beast, or jettisoned into the sun. There is no in between. Food or fodder, that’s your choices.

I’ll admit, I do miss writing about Penelopee and Maximillian. Penelopee had great potential in the area of sappy love stories, but she was quickly becoming the villain with her constant infidelity and overall evil demeanor. She stopped being interesting and worst than that, she became too cliche of a character. Maximillian on the other hand was too one dimensional. Every story was just him touching someone or making an inappropriate comment that should’ve gotten him fired. I believe they both exhausted the possibilities of the dynamics of their character.

I recently got a second wind in writing, with my character Tandice. But I quickly lost interest in her and her pseudo-crush on Dauntrell. Every episode was more of the same. She’ll be mean, he’ll flirt with her, she’ll be mean again, she’ll flirt with him—it all got super repetitive. Just turn into a lizard and eat him or some shit. Stories just don’t end in lizards eating people anymore. What have we become?

Ultimately, the source material became lackluster and muddled under the lazy writing of their own day to day happenings. Their humanity just wasn’t that wonderful to watch in its raw form. I’m a decent writer, but it gets exhausting trying to romanticize the tale of how Handler the Bowlegged repeated himself for thirty minutes about a subject that could’ve been a text message. Does that make for good reading? I think not.

So I’m rebooting the franchise! No longer will you have to slum through the paragraphs of Jae and the Regular Ass Coworkers! The new story is Jae and the Deities of the Mundane! That’s right! For the next blogs that I write about work, I’ll be portraying them as made up gods! Oh and don’t worry, this won’t be sacrilegious at all. I assure you that as deities, they’ll be just as pointless as they are in real life.

Let’s see, there will be tales about every single one of my coworkers. Names and shit will be changed to protect me from any sort of occupational retribution, but ultimately…fuck them…we are writing about them! Be on the lookout for about 27 tales of characters such as…Bowlegolas, Blackcloud the Smoker, Della the Unsexed and Bitter, and I don’t know…ummmm…Shit, the piece of shit. I’m just spitballing here. I’ll have the names more thought out when the stories start to come. Just be happy that I’m promising you more content. Sheesh!