This week is gonna come at you with a knife. Sorry to surprise you with that, but shit, you needed to know. And this ain’t your grandma’s knife. This is going to be a full on quick open style butterfly knife; the kind bad guys used to use in the early 90s.

But don’t fret just yet. This week is also going to show you your full power. That’s right, you’re gonna kick things up to 9000 and show this week that you’re knife proof. You’ve been lifting weekends all month long without breaking a sweat, so you’re prepared “af.” So grab these next five days by the neck and choke that bitch out for having the audacity to even stand in front of you.

You got this. So put your plastic black shades on. Grab those gloves with the fingers cut off and make sure you wear the tightest jeans you have with a flannel button down tied around your waist. That’s how we badasses did it in the 80s. This year has an “8” in it, so what’s the damn difference. Kick it’s ass, one week at a time.

Oh yeah. Did I tell you that I’m proud of you for how you handled last week? Yeah. Things got a little crazy last week, but we’re both still here, looking good and looking for the next ass to grab kick. Keep up the good work, champ.

It’s not just a boulder. It’s a rock. — Spongebob Squarepants