It’s been cold out here, recently. I exist in a world that gets too crowded way too often that I tend to retreat into my head. I’ve fabricated stories of being busy just to cancel plans with people only to lie in my bed with the lights off, staring into the void.

On some narcissistic stuff, I often find my thoughts to be better company than people. Everyone just wants to tell me their issues and problems. They honestly don’t care about what’s going on with me. I exist to bear their strife. My purpose is to be the target they unload their day into. The expectation is to ALWAYS supply a comforting word for them. I suppose I don’t mind it. I’ve grown to accept the duty. It’s only temporary in the grand scheme of things. A few “boy trouble’s” here and a few “angry person’s” there, and then I can clock out and escape to my head.

It’s been a little tainted as of late. My void used to be a place where I could calculate all of my previous missteps, plan for duplicate events where I alter their projected outcomes, and humor myself with witticisms that I doubt others would follow. But, it’s been faltering. The darkness hasn’t been as inviting of late.

I’ve found myself being crowded with emotions and moods I haven’t been face to face with in a very long time. Sadness, depression, they are the regulars, but they get around…visiting everyone at some point. I’m not special in that aspect. But feelings of regret, envy, insufficiency and all other manners of that ilk have set up camp in my void. Inadequacy speaks my name so clearly.

Give me some fucking space, bruh.