So I often find myself having random conversations with strangers about the most outlandish things. This week gave me one of the most interesting conversations I’d had in a while. It was a love story. Break out the macaroni, because there is a lot of cheese in this post.

So this guy was telling me about this girl he used to date. I honestly don’t know how we got on the subject, because our whole interaction was based on whether I needed help looking for a title at GameStop. I guess with the company going down, the employees are considering alternative means to making money.

Anyways, the guy was telling me about the hoops he would jump through to show this girl that he cared about her. He did all the cliche things. He paid for meals. He drove her around. He would randomly text her just to make sure she was safe. But one thing he told me stood out above the rest.

So apparently he and the girl were having a big fight one day. I honestly can’t remember what it was about so let’s just say they were arguing over who would be player one. I assume all GameStop employees have relationships centered around videogames. So to “one up” her in the fight, he did something that I never would’ve expected—he broke into her house.

Now I was about two digits away from contacting the authorities when he gave me the rest of the story. So he broke into her house while she was at work and left a gift. I assumed it was sexual in nature, because he kept using air quotes when he said the word, “gift.” But anyways, after he placed the gift on her kitchen counter, he randomly started picking things up. His lady was a “pretty piggy.” Those were his words, not mine. I guess that meant she was gorgeous as hell and great o be around, but lived a bit messily.

So he started picking up some of her dirty clothes, which led to him making her bed. Making her bed led to him cleaning her dresser. Removing cups and shut from her dresser led him to wash her dishes. Washing her dishes led to him straightening up her living room. By the time he had realized it, he pretty much cleaned her whole house.

The kicker to this story is that after he did all of that, they still ended up continuing their petty little squabble. I suppose the moral of the story is this. You can, damn near, do everything in your power for someone, but if you aren’t speaking their love language (Gary Chapman), you aren’t showing them shit!

Learn what your significant others are trying to say. Most importantly, listen! Or not. This isn’t my typical type of post so let me ruin it real quick.

If you try this shit, I’d recommend you eat all their food and leave them a cute note saying that you were a hungry monster and you’d return to eat them too unless they bought shit that you actually wanted them to keep in stock…lol. Okay, the end. Maybe you guys should go and read a good post. Even I know this one was shit.

“I’m sorry, guys.” — Jae Davis