As we summon the dark spirits of another Monday, we are once again forced to find some semblance of encouragement within the dread of our existence. While the idea of playing the vein violin with a razor blade wand may seem enticing, I assure you that joining the ranks of worm food may not be in your best interest.

So yeah, this week may try to kill you. Your werewolf of a supervisor may be under the trance of a perpetual full moon. Your goblin coworkers may insist on nibbling on the flesh and bone of your last nerve. The vampires in your life may cling too tightly, sucking nearly all of your life force, but at least you’re alive to read this.

Every second you spend reading the morbid musings of The Thought Renaissance, is a second you’ve defeated Thanatos. (Thanatos is the name of the grim reaper, not the purple guy that snapped his fingers in that jeweled gauntlet.) The reaper may be breathing down the back of your neck, but he can’t complete his mission until you allow it. So grab your silver bullets, take up your wooden stakes, and set ablaze your torches, because nothing will stop you from reaching destination November!

So this week, well until the month of October is over, we are going full macabre. Everything is gonna be dark, demonic, or disheveling.

Here’s something disheveling. Today marks the 527th anniversary of when Christopher Columbus colonized Cuba in the name of Spain. He certainly was a thieving bastard. A little fun fact for those who like random history—Columbus called the island, Juana. Interesting, right?

“I should’ve saved that fun fact for Teach Em Tuesday. Shit!” — Jae Davis