Jae Davis

Existential Crisis Number Two

Dear Web Browsers,

I’ve recently found myself considering things that begin with the letter “P.” Ive been contemplating questions of whether a proper proportion of perpetual prosperity is possible or probable given my persistent problem with patience. Basically, am I good enough?

Why did I start The Thought Renaissance? It actually started out as a conversation with my best friend. We were discussing our respective crafts and brainstorming ways to share it with larger audiences. She immediately created a site, locked down a domain name, and got to work commissioning a logo. I on the other hand took nearly 8 months before I followed suit.

I feel like I fucking suck at all this writing stuff. I’ve been writing a book for nearly a decade, but I keep finding reasons to hate it, scrap it, and go back to the drawing board. What’s wrong with me?

A few of you guys told me that you really liked my erotica and a few others enjoyed my funny short stories, but when I reread them, I take on the persona of a heartless mother, full of disdain for her worthless creation. I’ll enjoy a line here, or a phrase there, but ultimately I find myself wanting to wipe this whole site at least once a month.

This site originally started off as a place of artistic expression in any and all forms. People would be able to submit visual, musical, or performance art, stories, poems, etc., and it would all be here for he perusal of the masses. At that time it was called TheNumber2Umbrella.com because it was going to encompass everything that could be created by us.

Eventually that went out the window, because I hated having to explain the name choice every time I talked about the site. The next iteration came in the form of TheOnePointPerspective.com, where you’d get my unabashed thoughts on whatever current even was trending in the news. But one, who the fuck am I, and two, what qualified me to talk about anything? So it also got scrapped.

After a few more months passed, I came up with this version of the site. It’s been true to its original purpose for the most part, but it has been wiped more than once in the past.

So that brings me to today. I’m still doubting myself, shaking my head as I type this out on my phone, while sitting on the toilet. I’m still trying to figure out what I do next, because I feel completely lost in all of this. Between you and me, I do not think I’m good enough to do any of this stuff. I’m surprised any of you guys even visit this page anymore. I suck. What is the Renaissance? What am I fighting for?

All I know is this. I hate my secret agent job. And I want to quit before 2020. I’m going to write my ass off until something is good enough to attract a publisher. And then I’m going to use my dedication page as a two-weeks notice to Uncle Government!

Pointless Rant Complete!

“Don’t call it a comeback, I’ve been here for years!” — LL Cool J

11 comments

  1. You are writing the story of our lives. “What’s next?” happens daily. We have to keep pushing through and what is out there for us, will find its way into our lives, eventually. Thanks for the post, I support you one hundred percent in all your accomplishments. Let’s get these books published!

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Your words of encouragement are very welcome. Getting my name out there and having my stories heard by the masses is my one and only goal in this lifetime…lol.

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply

      • You will achieve them. I know you will. I believe in you and your skills. You are an amazing natural story teller. Well thought out and influential. Your charisma shines through your blogs and your unique but zany posts are loveable. You are powerful.

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      • I’m starting to sense that you might be biased towards my writings. You haven’t said a negative comment about my stuff yet! Where is all the “boooo…this shit is whack,” type remarks? I believe it was the great Lex Luther that postulated “if a writer is all powerful, he cannot be all good. And if a writer is all good, then he cannot be all-powerful.” I’m certain he was talking about writers in that scene and not an omniscient deity…lol.

        Liked by 1 person

      • The reason I haven’t said a negative thing about your comments is because I am also a writer, some times…lol but I understand that it is better to be encouraging to fellow writers because it takes a lot of energy to create as it is, why shoot down that delight! If I have constructive criticisms I would do so with a bit of tact, as you have on my page. I appreciate all of the help you would present to me to help me better my blog presence. Thanks so much for your sharing you thoughts and providing support!

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      • Being positive is great! But scientifically speaking, the more positive something is, the more attractive it becomes to that which is negative.

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